Blood Diamond

SPOILERS!!!

Hounsou screams and body-slams his way through this refreshing ‘post-9/11-Actioner-with-solemn-undertones’, which refuses to adhere to traditional genre conventions.  Granting the audience a happy ending but not for the hero, this impressive example of the Action genre resourcefully denies that kiss -  leaving the viewer suitably affected by DiCaprio’s death.

Forrest Gump

A film’s popularity is a measure of its representation of social realities and, with Forrest Gump inviting audience satisfaction over it’s sixteen year lifespan, it cannot be denied that the 'Disillusionment of the Sexes' is a reality; even if we’d rather ignore it and base our gratification on, “Oooo isn’t he innocent.”

3:10 to Yuma

From an opening third that chugs slower than a Conestoga wagon, 3:10 to Yuma spurs its way to an action packed finale as Ben Foster steals every scene with a menace colder than the big iron in his hand. Remake territory never seemed less barren.

Signs

Massive plot holes, terrible CGI, blatant theft from H G Wells and a painful final ten minutes threaten to undermine this mise-en-scene masterpiece in which Shyamalan finds a way of creating character depth in a genre usually as 2D as Cartoon Network. 

The Social Network

In all its postmodern glory, The Social Network slams a new manifest destiny across the face of capitalist America: these young ‘un’s might know how to speak to their own generation but, when pushed to it, they’ll fight it out just like those modernist money whores. “500 million friends” never felt so lucrative…

Get Over It

Martin Short steals the show in this genre evolving Shakespeare inspired comedy packed to the bra-bursting brim with perky, multi-talented, all-American teens…and Sisqó.

Inception

Posing the toddler question of “am I dreaming” and slamming it into an audience’s  face repeatedly doesn’t create the “smartest summer blockbuster of all time”.  Nolan cannot direct action and his farce of a philosophical narrative is about as successful as DiCaprio’s rehashed lead from Shutter Island.  Descartes would be spinning in his grave.

The Dark Knight

Heath Ledger’s Joker cackles his way through the least ‘actionified’ super hero movie ever made.  With a plot that’s as foolproof as the mob’s savings, Nolan serves a billion dollar box office buster feast to his audience but forgets make it stand up to scrutiny.

The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada

Tommy Lee Jones, apparently, is a man of many talents: delivering the best straight-up Western since Unforgiven.  It’s a shame he undermines his masterpiece with an all too low-key ending and is out-acted by Barry Pepper in his unforgettable turn as ‘bad guy’.

Laputa (Castle in the Sky)

With a death count greater than the Pelennor Fields, Laputa’s intermittent wavering between Tom and Jerry style slapstick and an emotional core creates a film more at odds with itself than its heroine’s hare-brained existential crises.

There Will Be Blood

From start to finish There Will Be Blood is an exercise in the sublime; seamlessly interweaving the countless talents of a cast and crew of cinematic masterminds.  This is Hollywood tapping into every half-forgotten fathom of its cinematic history and creating magnificence.

Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

In typical old-man fashion, Uncle Boonmee goes about his recollections with all the alacrity and pace of a two-legged spider.  The film’s tempo swings slower than its Grim Reaper’s scythe - which is no bad thing on the all too rare occasions Weerasethakul bothers to utilise his genius cinematographers.

Ponyo

More cutesy guff from the Ghibli machine: a studio that has somehow found a way to exploit the fairytale pasts of other countries (wherever did they learn that lesson?) while simultaneously abandoning its heritage as a creatively credible studio.

The Godfather II

With all the opulence of a Caravaggio classic, The Godfather II stutters its way through a half-baked origin/extension storyline no one who saw the original Godfather ever cared to be told.

Meek's Cutoff

Witnessing the Great Plains from the claustrophobic, isolated perspective of a downtrodden 19^th century women makes for a successful take on the Western genre even if it is, in essence, a remake of 1939’s Stagecoach.

Troy

Epic battles abound in this flawed Hollywood take on Homer’s Iliad.  Then again, so does woeful writing, appalling acting (yes you, Orlando Bloom!) and Brad Pitt’s all-American arse.